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    11/20/2008

    11.19 晚

      昨天晚上和爸妈发了很久的短信,互道晚安后,刚准备睡下,妈妈又打电话来说爸爸想听听我的声音,我就和爸爸说话,刚说了没两句,妈妈又把电话抢过去,说她也听听。因为找工作的原因,虽然要在上海很久,可还是用的西安号,所以电话不到一分钟就挂了,掉下几滴眼泪,突然觉得身体很冷,用被子把自己裹紧,却怎么也睡不着,屋子里只我一人,我于是大声唱歌,想给自己唱来一些温暖。
      记得高中的时候,我为这个城市写过许多文章,还写过矫情的诗,我收集每一期的《申江服务导报》、《上海壹周》和《萌芽》,还有我很久没再提起的曾经的复旦梦,全世界的人都知道我喜欢上海,虽然从地理位置上说我离它很近很近,但我总觉得离它很远很远,因为找不到理由觉得自己与它有任何关系。
      终于身在上海,多的却不是惊喜,少年时的激情突然显得苍白。记得黄磊老师的《等等等等》里有一句词,“她等过第一个秋,等过第二个秋,等到黄叶滑落,等等到最后竟忘了有承诺。”写的是沈从文《边城》里的翠翠,而我现在,就和翠翠一样,我说,我喜欢我喜欢,可到了最后,竟忘了当初为何会如此深爱。甚至置身于其中时,竟还带着一丝莫名的惶恐。
      随着年龄的增大,阅历的增多,自己的人生观也发生了翻天覆地的改变。
      曾经,总以为第一名便是幸福,从小到大参加过数不清的数学竞赛作文大赛书法比赛象棋比赛呼啦圈比赛乒乓球比赛甚至还有五笔字型中文输入比赛,统统都得了第二名或者二等奖,我就是传说中的“千年老二”,于是大学以前的我一直是在追求第一的亢奋心态中度过的。上大学以后的某天,突然领悟过来,觉得应当去追求各种各样的经历,那才叫幸福,于是我旷课我谈恋爱我上通宵网吧我竞选学生会我把两只小小狗一路匿藏带着它们从西安坐火车到上海我明知是黑船还是贪便宜去乘结果被公安局的人请坐做笔录我开始经营淘宝店我挖到人生的第一桶金。
      然后的然后,就是现在,是这个城市,让我觉得,钱,它无比重要,或者,只是一个温暖的家,也可以让我满足。可我现在两样都没有,所以我想要挣好多好多的钱,不过我还是有激情的年轻人,我没有想去贩卖人口,也没有在想买一双黑丝袜去抢银行,我还是想靠自己的努力工作挣比卖人口抢银行少一点的钱,然后能买一栋写有我名字的房子,再把爸爸妈妈还有啦啦一起叫过来,然后我一定是幸福的人。无比幸福,我想应该是这样吧。

    Comments (3)

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    luoluo Uwrote:
    唉,不知要到何时再能在家过个年哈!
    Nov. 21
    颖莹 陈wrote:
    女人啊,我看到最后一段都哭了
    Nov. 20
    乃。在哪里我都找不到我的归属感,除了在我奶奶老家。
    你阅历比我丰富,相形之下,我那苍白的人生啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊。
     
    Nov. 20

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